(SNES) Fake Brass Sea Captain's Telescopes

[Les Coleman <colemans@riconnect.com>]

Hi Gang,

Every once in a while my wife gets this urge to go "antiqueing". One 
does not escape the onerous duty  but I've made it liveable by 
suggesting that we antique in areas that have nice resturants (etc. 
etc.) Today I came upon an antique treasure [NOT!] which could have 
fooled a lot of folks. It purported to be an old telescope, the types
sea captains left for their wives to look for their return. [I always 
though it was downright civil of the sea captains to allow their wives 
enough notice to chase any accumulated boy friends out before an 
unpleasant encounter was encountered.]

I have to give it credit, this looked authentic. It was in an old box, 
with distressed glass lenses, slightly dented "brass" tubes with a 
combination of a patina and tarnish. The tripod looked authentic and the 
clamps and rings looked handmade.

Alas, this was no hidden treasure. You find very few antique brass 
telescopes sporting 0.965" Japanese eyepieces. When you unscrewed the 
"brass" components, a silvery set of threads appeared. Aluminum was not 
used in telescopes during the 19th century. Aluminum was worth more than 
platinum then. Once I had everything completely apart, the inner rings 
turn our not to br blacked brass but black plastic.

The optics were not distressed glass - just distressingly poor quality 
lenses. I think somebody melted down old milk bottles and poured the goo 
into molds. You could see bubbles in the main objective. I was about to 
let the owners know that someone had slipped them a fake when I noticed 
their store room had two more such boxes in the corner. If this glitz 
had been cheap, well it is just a decoration. Only it wasn't all that cheap.

I shall live the rest of my days in quaking fear that some poor soul 
will bring one of these horrors down to Frosty Drew and plaintively ask 
us - how come it is almost impossible to see anything through it?

Then again, perhaps this thing is in fact authentic. A suspicious sea 
captain could give his gadabout wife such a monstrosity and she'd never 
know he had returned until the smell of cod sufficated the front 
parlour. Clever chaps these old sea capatins.

Les
--

He who is nothing but, is not even.
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