(SNES) Some Springtime Levity

["Les Lytton" <Starman@SAMnet.net>]

Three days after the successful landing of NASA's Pathfinder space vehicle on
the Martian surface, a signal of unknown origin was intercepted by the Jodrell
Bank radio telescope.  The Jodrell Bank facility was then in use by the SETI
organization to monitor for signals indicating the existence of
extraterrestrial intelligent life.  The government quickly suppressed SETI's
release of this information, so the signal's contents were never made public
knowledge.

One of the Jodrell Bank technicians on duty at the time of the signal's
receipt has just come forward and provided a copy of the unknown signal's
content.  His name is withheld for obvious reasons:


MAP DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

Tharsis Press International (TPI) - A spokesthing for the Mars Air Patrol
(MAP) denounced rumors that an alien space craft has crashed in the desert
near Ares Vallis on Friday.  Appearing at a press conference today, Major
Rgrvlky The Lesser, head of MAP's UFO Investigation Team stated that "the
object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, and not an
alien spacecraft."

The story broke late Friday afternoon when a local rock farmer, Krnklssss Va
Btloot, contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a
strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly fell out of the sky and crash
landed in the nearby desert.  "I was irrigating my geode crop when I heard a
'whooshing' noise," the shaken farmer told our reporter.  "When I looked up, I
saw this strange object hurtling down out of the sky.  It was coming right at
me, so I grindled off as fast as my 5 appendages would carry me.  When I
stopped and looked back, I saw it hit the ground in a huge cloud of dust, then
it bounced several times before finally coming to a stop."  The excited Va
Btloot had to be calmed several times during the interview because the force
of his thoughts repeatedly overloaded the reporter's receptors.

"When the dust settled," Va Btloot continued, "I started to approach the
object.  I hadn't taken zixta steps when it suddenly deflated in an explosion
of alien gases.  I couldn't believe my eyestalks.  That's when I realized this
thing must be an alien spaceship, and I came directly here to report it."  The
Valles Marineris Daily Record then contacted the Mars Air Patrol and relayed
Va Btloot's sighting report.

Major Rgvlky The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically this morning
to contradict Va Btloot's report.  The major stated that additional hysterical
stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the desert were either blatant
fiction, or were possible hallucinations caused by inhalation of swamp gas.

The majority of the general public seems not to have accepted MAP's official
explanation, preferring to speculate on the 'other-worldly' aspects of the
crash debris.  The UFO League and SETI have both condemned Rgvlky's
statements.  The UFO League immediately accused Major Rgvlky of attempting
"another obvious government cover-up".  A SETI spokesthing pointed out the
interesting fact that Mars has had no swamps for millennia.

When informed of MAP's response to his report, Krnklssss Va Btloot stated,
"Now, I wish I had stuck around long enough to see what the
aliens looked like."


********************

As I was composing this bit of levity, I had visions of Barry and I eagerly
watching for signs of alien life amidst high powered views of the water
droplets comprising the local cloud bottoms    :> )


Respectfully,

Les W. Lytton
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